Confessions From a First Time Mom

People always tell you that when you become a mom, your whole life will change.   It's true, but that's not really surprising.  Some of the things that I expected have come true:

*Sleeping in consists of when you wake up and it's 7:30am and you feel really well rested!

*You can have long conversations with your spouse about nothing but poop.  Literally poop.  Who knew that could be such a concern?  And don't get me started on the language you come up with to describe it...

*Goldfish crackers have become a staple in your diet too.

*Christmas becomes magical again - that "I've tried for hours but can't go to sleep because I'm so excited!!!!" magical.

*You notice things you never noticed before, like the first thing I look for when we go outside is if the moon is up because he loves to point at the moon.

*And the one that is most often talked about - that you will wonder how you can love something or someone SO MUCH!!!  I love my husband.  It's a fact.  But the love that I feel for my child is so different and so amazing.

Something that I didn't expect was how my emotions would change.  And I'm not talking about hormones, because that is almost a given.  It's more that my entire way of thinking about things and life has changed.  Let me explain:

When we were younger, we used to laugh and make fun of my mom because she couldn't watch a movie where a child was being hurt.  And I'm not just talking about horror movies, but regular ones as well.  When the first Pirates of the Caribbean came out my mom couldn't watch it because during the part where the pirates are pillaging the island there is a split-second shot of a young child screaming all alone until he is scooped up by someone and presumably taken to safety.  It was too much for her to handle, so she couldn't watch the movie.  We would laugh at her and call her crazy.  Now, I must publicly apologize to my mom, because

I get it.

I can't watch shows where it's children being hurt.  I can't watch the news without thinking "what if that was me and my child?  What would I do?".   There was a tragedy in Oregon last night, and I couldn't stop thinking that if I had been in that situation with my beautiful boy, how would I make him safe?  How would I get both of us out?  I just started reading a book today called Gone.  The premise of the book is that one day, inexplicably  everyone 15 and older suddenly disappear.  I can't tell you much more than that because I am literally only pages into it, and I'm considering not even continuing.  Before I had kids, I would think that it's just a good time-passer book to be entertaining on boring nights.  Now, I just imagine what would happen to Jaden if Jake and I both disappeared.  It makes me get all worked up thinking about all of the different scenarios.  All I can say is that I'm glad I read The Hunger Games before I became a mom!

Regardless of how my life has changed, I wouldn't trade it for anything!  There is nothing better than having my child cuddle in my lap while we watch Thomas the Train and I mouth the words along with the show because I really have seen it that many times.  How, when he gets hurt or scared, the only thing that will make it better is hugs and kisses from me.  The way his face lights up when I come to pick him up from Nursery and he comes running across the entire room to jump into my arms.  I love you Bubbas!